Good day, I am subarachnoid hemorrhaging (Written Sun, 31 Oct 2004 19:53:00 GMT)
I have no desire to talk nerdy to you today. Relating my current mental and physical state is something that I think is beyond my wordsmithing capabilities. I also will apologize ahead of time for my distracted writing “style” today.
Did you know that a spontaneous subarachnoid hemorrhage is indicated by a sudden, severe headache? Nausea, vomiting, and dizziness frequently accompany the pain. Loss of consciousness occurs in about half the cases of spontaneous hemorrhage. A coma, usually brief, may occur. A stiff neck, fever, and aversion to light may appear following the hemorrhage. Neurological symptoms may include partial paralysis, loss of vision, seizures, and speech difficulties.
If it weren’t for the empty 40 oz bottle of vodka, this would be an easy diagnosis.
A good friend of mine crashed in my spare room last night. He woke me with some disturbing news:
“Simon,” he mumbled, “I wet your bed.”
This news triggered an unfortunate series of events. I laughed, this had the unusual effect of making me pass gas, which offended my girlfriend who promptly lashed out and tore a fist-sized clump of fake pubic hair attached with contact cement off of my chest (hey it’s Halloween), I stopped laughing and debated crying. It’s a pretty safe bet that my girlfriend is a little less in love with me today.
While rummaging around in my pockets I did find a ribbon with the words “Funniest costume” on it. As I see it this is not enough compensation for the pain I feel. Did I mention I have a bed full of urine?
I will be sure to attach any photos of the night that surface provided they do not inspire any legal consequences.
The Devil was in full force last night. – Happy Halloween
View My LinkedIn profile